unrequited

I am going on a real vacation!

2007-08-21T15:29:00.001-04:00

hello - so, the festival is over - people are paid - reports are done!

I started to plug away and and fill up my calender for September....and then...I realized how much work our organization has to do this year - basically the entire company will be restructured - new org chart - hiring new people -changes abound! All of this is great for Fringe! We need to change as the path we had was wrong - wrong!! So, here we go on to a brighter - saner future....but wait I am really tired from the past year!?

Scot is of in Utah right now doing a Wilderness Training course - for 14 days he lives out in the desert...the whole thing sounds horrible to me - but he is excited about it. So, I am going to pick him up in Utah on September 1 - ( yes I am flying to Salt Lake by myself - and then driving 4 hours to get him by myself!!) Then we will go to his cousins wedding in Flagstaff - then just drive around the West for 20 days...yes - you saw that right 20 days!! WE will go to my home town and visit folks there - lots of camping and hiking....lots of mountains...and lakes.

I am really excited. I have never really done a real honest vacation!

Till then i am really working almost 10-15 hours days to get thing ready for me to be gone for 20 days!!

When we return - i will move to a new apartment - the goal is Oct. 1st - but it will be more like Nov. 1.

So, here is to a MUCH MUCH better - clearer picture year!!

Cheers!

wait what blog

2007-07-03T23:26:00.000-04:00

humm

things are so busy - busy is not the right word. things are eventful before the event...

scot and i have had a house to stay in for the past - shit, man two half weeks. I have been able to make so great meals...and get away from - wait, i like where i live..just get awwy for getting away sake - one huge bonus it is closer to the office - like a 10 minute walk...that has been nice...so, yep, this ends july 4th. and back columbia heights.

i have been so...stretched. I have forgotten to brush my teeth some days...sorry for those that I had to be around..I have taken to carrying a toothbrush and other things with me...

so, my sister is getting married. aug 4th....ticket? not yet...

i had some great pickles the other day...and saved the juice and stuck some fresh beets in it....yum for later.

I have developed a stress condition. Only I can control it - no meds. I have been really good this week in doing so. But the two weeks prior I was a wreck. I am so positive and feeling good about things ...and then I can turn a corner and freak out....but this week I have feeling better.

I have no point in this blog - I am just taking a break before I make a sponsor sign for the box office. I am going to start with things to check out fringewise on our myspace page...so...

alright...peace out...

hoo-ah

2007-06-14T18:44:00.001-04:00

2007-05-13T11:50:00.000-04:00

i do not hate mothers day. really. it is just a hard day for me...it makes me sad as i see people doing kind things for their mothers or having to call there mothers....or whatever. I wish i could tell my mom happy mothers day...i know i can - but for real like she was alive and not dead....and why this year have three people said happy mothers day to me...I have not known how to respond I just smile and say nothing.

It is odd sometimes how you can avoid something for whatever reason - but life ever do gently shoves it right back in your face...just so you won't forget.

and on a totally separate note I just learned on Friday that DC does not have school buses...huh?

2007-04-30T00:39:00.000-04:00

Defining the future of Americans for the Arts

The good folks at Americans for the Arts are diving into a strategic planning process, and scanning the environment to see how and where they can focus their energy in the coming years. As part of that search, they've launched an on-line survey to gather insight and input from a wide range of constituents. take a moment and fill it out - it could help the future.

Peace out!

i am just happy to be here....

2007-04-25T19:14:00.000-04:00

eating at ted's montana grill was just a great night for me....

home?

2007-04-14T12:35:00.000-04:00

I spoke with my dad about three or five weeks ago and he let me know that he will be selling our home in Montana. This was not a huge surprise as he has been talking about retiring and moving to Silver City, New Mexico….I had been planning to go home in late August and part of September. It seems now that house has sold and my dad will be moving out as of June 1.

I have been really unsure what to think about this or do…and emotionally have been all over the place. I have never really moved out of my childhood home. My room was just as I left it till I was 28 – that was only 3 years ago.

I decided about a week ago that I must go home…I would regret it if I did not....but when things could not be busier and I could not be pulled in any more directions. I sat on this decision for a bit – only telling a few. I told my dad I would be coming home earlier this week to pack up my things and place in a storage shed in Dillon….and now I have purchased my ticket.

So, I will head to Dillon May 16 – 20 to pack up things…so many things filled with so many memories….I have been trying to not reflect on the past to much…but I am having trouble and have been cranky at time as of late.

I am not sure what all of this will feel like when I am there and it is real. I have been dreaming about going home in aug/sept for so long…I am not sure what to do with those thoughts now.

sickness

2007-03-28T13:58:00.000-04:00

i have been in bed for 5 days. one of which i think that i did not move. i actually had a fever of 103! I had a fever for 4 days. I think it was sickest I have been in my adult life. I went to the doctor. I guess they helpped....I am taking the meds...and am a bit better. Scot got this too...i think at this point we are not sure who gave what to who...but the fevers have passed....I have have had so much ginger ale, soup, and water. last night we did order out and ate real food.

I have not smoked since last firday at about 3:30. I do not even really want one...seriously! I mean I have moments....but....trying!

2007-03-15T17:33:00.001-04:00

I need more time

It seems like days just evaporate into nothing…maybe I need to utilize the mornings in a better manner.

Trust

Why is this so slippery? Should it not just be a solid thing? Just be there…why does it flux in and out…is it me?

Life Plans

Sneeze – cough

Location

I want to live in the west.

My heart, soul, blood sweat, tears are there.

What does this mean for me?

visual dna

2007-03-01T10:46:00.000-05:00

this was sort of fun and a distraction for a bit check it out

my new favorite song

2007-02-26T17:25:00.000-05:00

Hollywood on My toothpaste - Telepopmusik

this is the best...

2007-02-21T18:19:00.000-05:00

no really read & watch.....HERE

2007-02-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

i am becoming one of those people that says they will go to events or whatever and then does not show...or shows up late. I really have no issue with this - but it is just VERY different then I have ever been. I am just doing to much....and want to do even more.

2007-02-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

from the post below.... i go from that to saying over and over today.... either "well, i quit" or "agh, fuck me man."

YAY today.

I have begun drinking again.... not afraid anymore.

2007-02-06T16:49:00.001-05:00

be active and not distracted....

my comment to myself and the world at large....

up to 5 years for what....???

2007-02-02T18:33:00.000-05:00

boozen

2007-01-24T17:10:00.000-05:00

well, I am not going to drink for awhile - better to say for an undetermined amount of time. The last two times I drank - granted I consumed a mass amount both times - i blacked out - and once became violent. Which I can not even fully realize what happened - I am not a violent person by any stretch of anyone’s imagination...I literally have sat for hours thinking about how me – yes, little old 5’7” - 125 lb me could be violent. I have never understood those folks that stop drinking for periods of time…maybe even found it lame…but now I sit here in my skin and am saying that I am doing such a thing. I actually feel afraid to drink….and that is the scary part. I do not want t hurt people - especially those I love.

and my very best friend frm high school is getting married in July!!

today

2007-01-16T18:37:00.000-05:00

got lost in the NE.
did not have a warm enouigh coat on.
had a great cup of coffee that i forgot to pay for...oops
getting the Atlas District part of the fringe....slowly but surley
did my taxes...got $$ back
went grocery shopping...food!
consolidated my student loans...saved $$$
and it is only...6:30!!

bought a piece of art

2007-01-11T11:43:00.000-05:00

photo by Tim Tate recovered by Jonn Gann

I bought a piece of art last week. A piece entitled inspiration. It is by Sean Hennessey. I really felt like this piece...big theatrical light buld…then the word work up top…really represents how I live my life… I will not receive it till feb 11…not sure where it will go at home or the office.

1958 7th and Florida Ave, NW

2007-01-08T16:01:00.000-05:00

eggs?

2007-01-07T15:25:00.000-05:00

I never know how long eggs are good for..when I ask this question...no one gives me the same answer..so, here is some information I found on a British website.

First and foremost of course is the use by date on the carton/box, eggs when purchased should have at least two weeks use by date, preferably three to four. This will depend on the dating structure of the company, I suggest you purchase from the same 'brand' and become familiar with it. They may only put a two week use by date on for example. But eggs that are within a week of their use by date are best used for frying, boiling etc but not for baking.
Inside an egg (at the rounded end) is a small air pocket that is barely noticeable when it has just been laid. But as the egg gets older the air pocket increases in size, this also displaces the egg yolk within it. Ever noticed when you boil an egg that the round end is flat or even dips inwards? That is the sign of a stale egg. Also when fried the white of this stale egg will run all over the pan instead of retaining a tight shape.

So how can you tell before you crack the egg open? Place the egg in a glass of cold water

A fresh egg will sit horizontal at the bottom : these eggs are suitable for baking (but preferably not meringue) and will maintain a good tight shape when fried or poached and the yolk should stand quite high with a good semi circular shape

As the egg increases in age and the air pocket gets bigger it will tilt upwards slightly: these eggs are suitable for meringues, baking and will maintain a reasonable shape when fried or poached, the yolk will be flatter in shape
An egg that sits vertically is stale: these eggs are not really suitable for baking, are best used for scrambling or omelets, will not maintain even a reasonable shape when fried or poached, the white will spread and the yolk will be quite flat. When trying to separate, the yolk will probably break as the egg white that surrounds it will be weak
An egg that floats should be disposed of (carefully!)

Actually, an egg has to be really really old to go bad. Or be exposed to heat. Eggs that are properly refrigerated and stored can last for several months before going "bad." An egg with that much age on it would probably fit into the #3 category, above. I do know that, during World War II, people in New Zealand sent fresh eggs, encased in tins of lard, to their cousins in England who were enduring the blitz. That transport sometimes took many weeks.

2007-01-07T12:38:00.000-05:00

this is some puppet magic: jerome murat
note the set with the dail hands... :)

Kirk Varnedoe

2007-01-05T17:27:00.000-05:00

Back in March 2003. I came to DC to visit this guy I had met in a bar in Philly (that is a short story that needs no retelling) none the less during that visit I ended up at the National Gallery and heard Kirk Varnedoe's lecture on "Why Abstract Art." For those of you that do not know...I love art history...actually could care a fuck all about history until I starting learning it through art...so, i get kinda giddy for these sorts of lectures. This lecture was AMAZING. I sat on the floor in the back listening to this man that i had never heard of talk about art from Picasso to Pollack (this was the last in a series). Varnedoe was such a great speaker…and what he was saying about abstract art hit me…I mean I like it – I do…but it is hard for me to justify or explain well it to someone who hates it or does not see the purpose of it. Varnedoe died of a brain tumor shortly after I saw him speak…they had a great story in the New Yorker about him shortly after that…he was an amazing man with real passion for art and life…really free with his life..

The National Gallery has just come out with a video and book set of all of his lectures. I have not looked to see how much this might be…Varnedoe was one of the foremost experts on post modern theory…and the way he talked about it was so straight forward…not all academic.

You can read the preface to the book: HERE it is written by A. Gopnick.

Once I had moved here I told this to my new boss at the time Anne L. Corbett. She then told me her husband Sam Sweet had Varnedoe as an advisor in grad school…small world.

2007-01-02T21:49:00.000-05:00

Welcom 2007! I am back from what turned out to be 12 days away from DC. I needed this break from this place....but am a exhausted from my travels. I greet this new year off kilter a bit. I have been stung with untruths that have left a welt. Despite all of that I feel a tinge of breath and hope with what I have to accomplish over the next 12 months. I believe in real human connection - this is what I strive for in every moment and interaction- those that grow in honesty and light. I am blessed with wonderful opportunities that I am allowed to explore…and dear friends.

Now I must go sleep so I can greet tomorrow with energy.

christmas moment 3

2006-12-22T21:40:00.000-05:00

Ciara my niece ( 6yrs old ) “People what are you doing? We need Christmas sprit in this house – turn on those lights on the tree.”

christmas moment 1 & 2

2006-12-21T12:21:00.000-05:00

1. scot singing a Christmas carol to me on the metro - actually made me cry.
2. getting a Christmas card from the man who bags grocery's at safeway in my home town.

travel

2006-12-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

I am traveling today. I am actually at the Cleveland airport right now. I have not traveled on a plane since December of 2004….and have only left DC a hand full of times in the 4 years that I have lived there….

I use to be okay with flying. Going to boarding school and attending college in states other then Montana meant I grew up flying quite often. Things are very different than the way I remember them…

What is with the anger people?

Do I really need to go through such interrogation at 4am…??

How are these people awake?

Can’t they provide us with a place to put our shoes back on…I mean look at all these people stumbling around.

When did planes get so run down…are new planes even made…can I fly in them please?

How can someone have NO information and then suddenly we are leaving in 5 minutes.

Moving sidewalks are still fun.

Do I need to know every 2 minutes that the threat level has been raised to orange…maybe every 10 would be good?

Starbuck coffee is only $1.69! No tip jar??!

Denver airport is closed and fucking up all travel times – or this is what they are blaming it on first.

So, I have been in the Cleveland airport now for about 3 hours…I was at Dulles for 4 hours…and was actually at Regan last night…so, here are all these buildings that need to be functioning at a high level…at many different locations in the structure….and ALL are ugly. Why not get artists involved in the planning of these buildings…not just to install those lovely sculptures…or neon light displays…but on the function. Like the baggage carousels …can’t those look different…or the gates that reach out to the planes…why is everything SO ugly and bulky awkward?

Alright I sit now waiting for an announcement to send me on my way. I think I went to sleep at 1am last night and woke up at 3am...AWESOME! I did have a good night...I got to see someone I have not in a bit..and it was both hard to catch up and easy...if that makes any sense..?

So, why Cleveland airport? Heading to Chicago to see my sister Patricia and her family ( little Siobhan & Ciara ), Aunt B, Aunt Clem, my daddy…and Sandy…my grandma... cousins and so on…etc. Most of these folks I have not seen in 3 years! I am both excited and nervous about this visit ( of 8 days ). I will be seeing some college friends on Friday night… Heather and Joel at this point… I have not seen Heather since 1997 maybe… and Joel 1999…so tht will be a blast from the past!

2006-12-06T14:34:00.000-05:00

oh my beck! no, really oh, MY!!! Got his new cd yesterday. i have always *tried* to like him..but always left with an - okay, alright - feeling. okay, beck-the information is brillent. every song..i can really sit back and just enjoy it. plus, he really is pretty cute.

okay...kick ass!

YELLOW LINE

2006-12-05T11:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to get on the metro in my neighborhood of Columbia heights. I had 4 minutes to wait and I sat starring at a sign. I realized the yellow line looked longer on it…then I realized that it was indeed longer…OH, my to Columbia Heights.

I had heard about this - but i thought it was not happening until Jan 07. I am still unsure if it is all the time or just peak hours.

None the less - pretty exciting!

2006-12-03T19:59:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it feels like we are in a nation that feeds off anti depressants. Like it is easier for us to create our own island Disneyland’s..where everyone is educated – friendly and all is over priced.

That is really the whole of the thought…not sure what this means or where I am going with it…just what I took from my night out in DC last night…all the button down shirts..ties..and the girls with their party tops ( you know the halter or the like with glitter or...)

DC FACTS:

Population: 572,059
Total Households: 248,338
Median Age: 34.60
Median Household Income: $40,127

unrequited search for

2006-12-02T11:26:00.000-05:00

2006-12-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

okay - if you know me you know i use the word fuck a lot. actually way back in about 2001 or so thought that sprinking my speech with swear words was a great style of management and would gain me much respect from my employees...(in short i still swear but not as a management style).

So, there is a new movie out called FUCK all about the power of those four letters...I have yet to see it..but man I really want to...maybe today.

An aside: today is my FOUR year anniversay of living in DC...OH, MY...FUCK! :)

the season of winter seen

2006-11-30T19:24:00.000-05:00

A storm swept into Dillon Monday afternoon, and the combination of snow,wind and rapidly dropping temperatures...could it be traveling across the us to visit us here on the east coast?

2006-11-30T16:32:00.000-05:00

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
The South
Philadelphia
North Central
The West
Boston
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

2006-11-28T19:11:00.000-05:00

There once was a man who was wrapped in sand. He was dry and brittle...so scratchy to the touch. He craved for water to nourish him. I really crave for the same I told him…but I am not made of sand merely clay and a little bone. He laughed at me as if I was wrong about my composition. But it is hard for me to be wrong about such…as I am really the only one who would know at this point. We continued to talk in varying degrees of intimacy about things that mattered and did not. I once found him with his mouth stuck on the faucet unable to breath. I laughed at him in the moment and later found it incredibly sad. I see him occasionally when it rains out in the street – next to naked - trying to soak it all up in his pores. I am usually behind some glass drinking a bottle of purified water. Who’s to say who is more nourished?

2006-11-27T12:03:00.000-05:00

last night as scot and i walked to the metro in columbia heights we hear someone yelling - not all that odd right. well, it starts to feel like they are yelling towards us...what do you hear that..."you stink...white people stink...stinking white people..." seriously this actually happened!

Bush & Paraguay...huh?

2006-11-17T14:35:00.000-05:00

This acquisition by the Bush family seems a little peculiar, doesn't it?
READ HERE

Borat

2006-11-16T12:23:00.000-05:00

i took this photo back in July. I was not really sure what it was. It grabbed my attention however. I did go and see Borat a few days ago. Sure it is hilarious – but only because it is filled with compassion. I love the sayings: “sexy time”, “great success” “high five”. There is a lot of controversy brewing around it as well: banned in Russia, Kazakhstan wants to sue, ignorant frat boyz suing…and so on. I think this has more to do with the money the film is making than anything else. Now if you are a person who gets offended easily – or can not laugh at how ridicules we are as a country – the extremes, divides, ignorance…than you will hate – hate this movie. The rodeo portion the man talking to Borat a bout gays and such…this man is so true to those in my hometown…anyway…really, really brilliant!

2006-11-13T16:48:00.000-05:00

so, here i am working...and i feel light headed..but I think that I must just need food. I go get some food...drink some water. Still feel dizzy and now hot. So, I take my temp...yikes 101! Fuck, I really have no tolerence for being sick right now. Okay, off to rest and get better....

related to fringe

2006-11-09T20:57:00.000-05:00

i really don’t talk about my work on this blog - not for any other reason then...i am sure if you know me...you know that is all I talk about...but today was one of those floor me days.

So, on Tuesday I sat on my sofa and watched the piano and entered all the apps we had thus far received – which came to a whopping 47! From what had come in over pay pal I thought I was looking at maybe 5-10 more to come in with the postmark of November 6. On Wednesday I hoofed it from Columbia Heights to our PO Box in Penn Quarter – nothing in the box – I was a bit disappointed. Went back today and found a slip in the PO Box saying I had three applications to claim at the counter…I went and waited in the line…I handed my slip to the attendant and she went behind the counter. She was gone for quite awhile – so long I thought maybe she had decided it was a good time to take a lunch break – soon enough she came around the corner with a crate filled to the brim. I asked her if that was all for me – she responded with a yes. After convincing her that I needed to keep the crate and would return it the next day – I began counting the applications right there – as reached I 15 I yelled out 15..as I reach 25 I yelled out 25 – and when I got to the bottom of the crate I yelled out 51!

So, whoa….time to plan – plan…..and man, do we have time to plan - nice!

i did not vote - i have failed montana!

2006-11-08T11:08:00.001-05:00

We took back the House, thankfully, but control of the Senate rests on the results of two state races. Can you guess which state is one of those? I did not vote – I feel like I have failed Montana – as we finally got a democratic governor…last election!

(CNN) -- After polls closed on Election Day, Democrats were projected to pick up four GOP-held seats but must win the two remaining undecided races to gain control of the Senate.

Democratic candidates hold a lead in each of those two races -- in Virginia and Montana.

In Virginia, Democrat Jim Webb declared victory in his race against incumbent Republican Sen. George Allen early Wednesday, though a recount in the hotly contested election appeared likely.

"The votes are in, and we won," said Webb, who led Allen by nearly 12,000 votes with 99 percent of precincts reporting.

Allen assured supporters that "the counting will continue through the night."

In Montana, Republican Sen. Conrad Burns is trailing Democratic challenger state senator Jon Tester by about 3,600 votes -- or four percentage points -- with 82 percent of precincts reporting.

6 things I need to work on.

2006-11-06T11:37:00.000-05:00

1. keeping an address book - I never enter anyone into my outlook as a person - i just enter the email...as if I can remember who ah7buk
2. using the phone - this may come as a big suprise to those that think I am a big talker - but I HATE the phone. I have this sense that all phone converstaions are notvhappening in real time. Most of the time I just hit the silence button on my phone if I do not know the number...and if a message is left - maybe I will call back. I do need to get in a better habit of using my phone and listnening to other while they talk to me through it.
3. grocery shopping - I am really good at going to the store and buying enough to make one dish. But when it comes to have a stock or actaul food like regular things to grab and eat - I have none of that.
4. taking care of my nails - i hate my fingernails....despite this I should take care of them
5. cash - i NEVER have cash on me. I really only use my card. I use to think this was a better way to keep track of where my money was going - now..well, I do not think this any longer. I need to carry cash...really.
6. not over booking myself - i really can only handel two meetings in one day - three is really pushing it! this week is just dumb for me and it is my own fault really...I can not be in two places at the same time....

what an ass

2006-10-25T11:50:00.000-04:00

Rush Limbaugh had this to say about Michale J. Fox

"He is exaggerating the effects of the disease," Limbaugh told listeners. "He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act. . . . This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting."

Right, cause none of those are the effects of disease....aagh!

i missed this last week...

2006-10-23T09:48:00.000-04:00

Washington's Theatre Lobby Shutting Down The organization existed as a performance troupe from 1950 to 1972, then reconvened in 1985 as a theater support organization. Now most of the 15 Lobby members are in their 70s and 80s, some living in retirement communities. Seeing the plays, voting on the awards, raising funds for the small cash prizes and the event to hand them out has become too much. Washington Post 10/18/06

2006-10-20T10:57:00.001-04:00

Oh me Oh My

Again, things get so complicated as we get older huh!?

The only silence I get is when I am asleep

When I look at my life - I like the journey – I do not see the end point at all...this is good.

Yet I crave to know when I will catch my breath rest my head without being asleep.

I want just a little compassion. I need someone to talk to – and not just dump on those handfuls of people that sure get an ear full – but maybe that is the way things play out with communication.

I am not a plain Jane – yet some times I wish I was. My shadow appears to be pretty plain…not sure what I mean by that.

I am patient with how things progress. I hold hope for all that things that are said and are hoped.

So, yes, I guess its alright.

2006-10-19T14:12:00.000-04:00

okay, so, I have been listening to imogen heap for about two years now...and their new album came out on the 16th...I realized come the 13th that i was half counting the days...I do not think i have had a favoirite band in some time...they are really creative and thoughtful...yep I like them.

fall

2006-10-17T21:30:00.000-04:00

no money in my pocket - YO!

2006-10-16T15:14:00.000-04:00

yet i am pretty happy...but if i had more money I would be happier I feel...or so I have been thinking over the past few weeks...and today as my bank account bleeds red...i read this article in the Boston Globe....more money, more problems

2006-10-14T16:41:00.000-04:00

jon and i went to see scot's show last night - went out for drinks after and mr. fancypants jon was hit on by both sexes in a too bright - neon - painoish bar. He was rawkin a shirt that just drew them in...it was like fly paper.

saw arturo ui last night. ah, whoa...wow! scot wastes nothing - all is ui. i was not ready or wanting for it to end - i mean i knew it must. the whole movie feel... i am at a play - yet it costs as much as a movie - and oh, i smell popcorn...i felt it was shameful in some way at first - raised my brow. But, man it works the whole package of the evening worked.

go - go to it now...

2006-10-12T23:33:00.000-04:00

my grandpa brienza did this logo - all growing up I thought the B was for our last name - seriously, it was only about 2 ro 3 years ago i realized I was wrong.

does metro think of people as cars?

2006-10-11T21:28:00.000-04:00

i seriously spent 4 hours on metro today. it was for a good cause - but none the less I read the entire express and two short stories in the book i am reading.

On the back of the express today they had this metro newsletter of sorts...in the bottom column entitled metro buzz - they had this to say: " with smarTrip only aisles, 32 customers can pass through a fare gate each minute, compared to 22 per minute currently. The SmarTrip express lanes are similar to E-ZPass lanes on toll roads." They are thinking of people as cars - right...that is really disturbing to me.

best thing said to me today

2006-10-10T21:03:00.000-04:00

i got this in an email from a friend in philly ( all of you who spend sunday...all sunday at sugarmoms know what he is saying): "Sugar Mom's will be the death of me. I may have drank close to a bottle of whiskey there last night by 9pm. I woke up and my gut and what I can only imagine to be my kidneys and liver hurt. I should probally take a break, and I will, because they don't open for another hour and a half."

2006-10-10T17:44:00.000-04:00

okay, this may be a bit of rant...but here goes. Why do humans always need to compete? What is that? Now, I am not saying that I am not competitive – I am to a point – but without real respect for oneself and human nature mixed in with that competitiveness – oh, my what a bad trait this is. This type of person seriously makes my skin crawl – like used car dealer: never really getting to see the real face of the person – always putting on masks to give people what they want…ick!

the best health news!

2006-10-07T18:44:00.000-04:00

Marijuana may block Alzheimer's

The compound may protect the brain

The active ingredient in marijuana may stall decline from Alzheimer's disease, research suggests.

Scientists showed a synthetic version of the compound may reduce inflammation associated with Alzheimer's and thus help to prevent mental decline.

They hope the cannabinoid may be used to developed new drug therapies.

The research, by Madrid's Complutense University and the Cajal Institute, is published in the Journal of Neuroscience.

We would warn the public against taking marijuana as a way of preventing Alzheimer's

Dr Susanne Sorensen

The scientists first compared the brain tissue of patients who died from Alzheimer's disease with that of healthy people who had died at a similar age.

They looked closely at brain cell receptors to which cannabinoids bind, allowing their effects to be felt.

They also studied structures called microglia, which activate the brain's immune response.

Microglia collect near the plaque deposits associated with Alzheimer's disease and, when active, cause inflammation.

The researchers found a dramatically reduced functioning of cannabinoid receptors in diseased brain tissue.

This was an indication that patients had lost the capacity to experience cannabinoids' protective effects.

The next step was to test the effect of cannabinoids on rats injected with the amyloid protein that forms Alzheimer's plaques.

Those animals who were also given a dose of a cannabinoid performed much better in tests of their mental functioning.

The researchers found that the presence of amyloid protein in the rats' brains activated immune cells.

However, rats that also received the cannabinoid showed no sign of microglia activation.

Using cell cultures, the researchers confirmed that cannabinoids counteracted the activation of microglia and thus reduced inflammation.

Drug target

Researcher Dr Maria de Ceballos said: "These findings that cannabinoids work both to prevent inflammation and to protect the brain may set the stage for their use as a therapeutic approach for Alzheimer's disease."

Dr Susanne Sorensen, head of research at the Alzheimer's Society, said: "This is important research because it provides another piece of the jigsaw puzzle on the workings of the brain.

"There is no cure for Alzheimer's disease, so the identification of another target for drug development is extremely welcome.

"The Alzheimer's Society looks forward to seeing further research being carried out on cannabinoid receptors as drug targets for Alzheimer's disease but would warn the public against taking marijuana as a way of preventing Alzheimer's.

"It is now generally recognised that as well as providing a 'high', long-term use of marijuana can also lead to depression in many individuals."

Different receptors

Harriet Millward, of the Alzheimer's Research Trust, said there were two main types of cannabinoid receptor, CR1 and CR2.

"It is CR1 that produces most of the effects of marijuana, including the harmful ones.

"If it is possible to make drugs that act only on CR2, as suggested by the authors of this study, they might mimic the positive effects of cannabinoids without the damaging ones of marijuana.

"However, this is a fairly new field of research and producing such selective drugs is not an easy task.

"There is also no evidence yet that cannabinoid-based drugs can slow the decline in human Alzheimer's patients."

random thoughts

2006-10-06T00:02:00.000-04:00

Who tattoos their face?

I saw Dan T. on the metro last night.

Why are relationships so complicated as one gets older…oh, the baggage we carry.

My oven doesn’t work.

I really am loving U2 more that usual.

I think I need to go on a trip.

I should recycle paper more.

Fall is a great season.

Am I supposed to own where I live? This really has never crossed my mind…no joke.

It will be a cold winter.

Amish shooting!

Fenty and Dan T…it feels like Clinton hope..good.

I really do not drink beer.

Why does the heat just turn on in my house?

I need office furniture. Anyone!!!???

Leggings are good!

My home is the USA not just a city in the country.

I need to go to Iceland.

Hitler was crazy..yet really fucking brilliant

who i want to meet

2006-10-05T11:37:00.000-04:00

I have read nearly all of Haruki Murakami novels and short stories. I am powering through the 24 short stories in Blind Willow Sleeping Woman. There is something about his writing that is at one point so familiar - like a thought you had but never came up with quite the right words to express perhaps - or maybe not even formed it into a thought cause words were not what it was - in saying all of that his stories are also surprising and take you on such a journey. It is like a dream when you first wake up you remember portions - splashes and all day you keep going back to it all day to connect the dots.
I do not have a lot of time to read....or at least to way I woudl like to. I do wish and hope that some day I could meet Haruki and talk to him about his process.

best thing said to me today

2006-10-01T20:03:00.000-04:00

"you know it is just a magic grass trick", thaddeus phillps.

Listen to this song. Click on the first link sandbag search:http://www.luciditysuitcase.com/music.html

this is from a show called earth's sharp edge. in the scene where this song is played a man's suitcase is being searched by airposrt security- inside they find sand. Once the sand is poured out the man whos suitcase it is walks a small camel over the pile of sand on the table - slowly - it is one part beauitful and another part heart wrenching as you know his homeland - how he knew is gone forever.

my fucking family

2006-09-30T15:04:00.000-04:00

Support from ones family is probably the one thing that keeps a lot of people going. Over the past 4 – 6 months I have come to realize that my family as spread out all over the country as we are does not have the ability to understand or support me. I have tried to wrap my head around the meaning of this – and have given each of them - in different ways - breaks on their lack of interest in my world – but it stops here. I am making the stance – I can not longer listen to them tell me I am not being responsible with my life. A few years back I had a boss that stopped talking to his family because of their lack of support for his work with puppets. When he would tell me his stories of how he reached the point of not communicating with them – I would judge him and think how sad it was…and thought how lucky I was to be blessed with family that was not like that. I am - I am just in rough patch that I will work my through like I have in the past…but this time I will truly do it on my own. So, here I go.

shoes to replace snake skin

2006-09-10T23:26:00.000-04:00

shoes to replace snake skin, originally uploaded by american tourist.

not an angel

2006-09-10T20:32:00.000-04:00

Today is the day that I thought would never come.
Breathing, thinking, trying on knowing
I do not want to lose what I thought was just effortless:
I dove into the simple.
My bad luck?
I was not an angel?
I will glisten with the sweat of guilt I fear…for how long I do not know.
I can not keep on like this.
My bad timing?
This will be okay by me – but when?
Coffee is not strong enough today.

things right now

2006-09-06T20:40:00.000-04:00

So, we have entered Fall. Well, I guess that is not till September 22nd or is it the 23rd? None the less it is Fall as jeans and zip up hoodies are all I am wearing.

Things on the house front have gone through a shift. Joe moved out – headed for Boston and grad school. I moved out of my room and into his. I now I have my own bathroom - which I must say I rather enjoy. So, my old room lay empty for a bit. There was a threat of a cheerleader who works at the ESPNzone moving in. That got squashed – thank god. Sean (my other housemate) brought up the thought that fringe should use it as an office. The more it got tossed around that more it really made sense. So, Damian and I will be setting up shop here in Columbia Heights. Well, this is our official business address anyway – so it does make sense.

I have gotten a part time job for the time being to help with my cash flow issue and hopefully save up some $$ money for a trip in November. I will be working as an artist assistant to a print maker at the Torpedo Factory. Basically, it is three days a week – one has to be a weekend. One of the days I can work on my own projects if I choose too (think I might). The other days I have to cut mattes and frame this guy’s artwork, and print etching plates. I think I will really enjoy it and enjoy going to the Torpedo Factory a few days a week. I go there for the first time on this Friday to check it all out.

I have gotten the first drafts of the applications done for the Festival next year. They will go out at the beginning of October…and then we will just wait and see what comes in for the 2nd installment. I am excited about the possibilities for Visual Fringe and adding music to next years Festival.

I am sad to see summer go. All in all it was a good one this time around. I met some great folks this summer. I am unsure of what Fall will hold….so, here’s to all good things.

in case you did not know...

2006-08-31T16:18:00.000-04:00

Philadelphia, colloquially referred to as Philly, and known as The City of Brotherly Love (from Greek: Φιλαδέλφεια, /fi.la.ˈdɛl.fɛj.a/, "brotherly love" from philos "loving" and adelphos "brother") is the fifth most populous city in the United States and the largest in population and area in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

The population of the city (at the 2000 census) is 1,517,550. According to the 2005 U.S. Census estimates, the city had a population of 1,463,281. [1] Philadelphia is the second-largest city on the U.S. East Coast (after New York City), and a major commercial, education, and cultural center for the nation.

The Philadelphia metropolitan area is the fourth largest in the U.S. by the current official definition, with some 5.823 million people.

Philadelphia is one of the oldest and most historically significant cities in the United States. During part of the 18th century, the city was the second capital and most populous city of the United States, and the second largest English speaking city in the world after London. At that time, it eclipsed Boston and New York City in political and social importance, with Benjamin Franklin playing an extraordinary role in Philadelphia's rise.

the word FRESH

2006-08-22T15:05:00.000-04:00

i love the word fresh - but i am trying to find another word for it. ( the reason is next years festival....)

I have come up with:
unmarked
new
spanking new
cherry picked
unprocessed
vivid

none of these hold the weight of the word FRESH.

Thoughts?

toast

2006-08-21T21:51:00.000-04:00

sean's (my housemate) mom just moved into a new house so we are getting all these things that she no longer wants. We got a toaster today. Now, I (for some reason I can no longer recall) gave my toaster to Flashpoint when I worked there. Now, it gets a lot of use there so that is good. But I have just had a toaster oven for two years now - I forgot how great a piece of toast is out of a toaster. I just made my self two pieces of whole wheat toast with butter and a generous helping of raspberry jam.

yum - yay for toasters!

getting close to the last days of the snake skin shoes

2006-08-15T21:50:00.000-04:00

cafe hon. famous hairdos and the Bawlmerese perchance for vowel-dropping, word-shortening vernacular.

2006-08-15T08:08:00.000-04:00

and fuck that i had to find out in 2002, Bmore Mayor Martin O'Malley initiated the "BELIEVE" project, a multimillion-dollar campaign aimed at engaging the public in the fight against drugs and possibly changing residents' perceptions of themselves through somber white-on-black bumper stickers, buttons and street banners.

Here it lived in my head as local charm - not organized advertising...going to keep the charm.

nicotine

2006-08-14T22:07:00.000-04:00

you have been a muse of sorts since I was 19. Not to mention thinking the smell of you was enticing back when I thought my dolls might be alive.

I hate you
I love you sometimes
I want you far away
I want to forget you
I don't want this song in my ear right now...stop please.
you cannot really be a part of me. Would-be absurd.
Can I forget you?

Okay, I want you sometimes. Like a long distance lover that I can keep at arms reach.

I need to get a handle on this situation...and sense of balance right...my health...my health.