my fucking family

Support from ones family is probably the one thing that keeps a lot of people going. Over the past 4 – 6 months I have come to realize that my family as spread out all over the country as we are does not have the ability to understand or support me. I have tried to wrap my head around the meaning of this – and have given each of them - in different ways - breaks on their lack of interest in my world – but it stops here. I am making the stance – I can not longer listen to them tell me I am not being responsible with my life. A few years back I had a boss that stopped talking to his family because of their lack of support for his work with puppets. When he would tell me his stories of how he reached the point of not communicating with them – I would judge him and think how sad it was…and thought how lucky I was to be blessed with family that was not like that. I am - I am just in rough patch that I will work my through like I have in the past…but this time I will truly do it on my own. So, here I go.

shoes to replace snake skin

shoes to replace snake skin, originally uploaded by american tourist.

not an angel

Today is the day that I thought would never come.
Breathing, thinking, trying on knowing
I do not want to lose what I thought was just effortless:
I dove into the simple.
My bad luck?
I was not an angel?
I will glisten with the sweat of guilt I fear…for how long I do not know.
I can not keep on like this.
My bad timing?
This will be okay by me – but when?
Coffee is not strong enough today.

things right now

So, we have entered Fall. Well, I guess that is not till September 22nd or is it the 23rd? None the less it is Fall as jeans and zip up hoodies are all I am wearing.

Things on the house front have gone through a shift. Joe moved out – headed for Boston and grad school. I moved out of my room and into his. I now I have my own bathroom - which I must say I rather enjoy. So, my old room lay empty for a bit. There was a threat of a cheerleader who works at the ESPNzone moving in. That got squashed – thank god. Sean (my other housemate) brought up the thought that fringe should use it as an office. The more it got tossed around that more it really made sense. So, Damian and I will be setting up shop here in Columbia Heights. Well, this is our official business address anyway – so it does make sense.

I have gotten a part time job for the time being to help with my cash flow issue and hopefully save up some $$ money for a trip in November. I will be working as an artist assistant to a print maker at the Torpedo Factory. Basically, it is three days a week – one has to be a weekend. One of the days I can work on my own projects if I choose too (think I might). The other days I have to cut mattes and frame this guy’s artwork, and print etching plates. I think I will really enjoy it and enjoy going to the Torpedo Factory a few days a week. I go there for the first time on this Friday to check it all out.

I have gotten the first drafts of the applications done for the Festival next year. They will go out at the beginning of October…and then we will just wait and see what comes in for the 2nd installment. I am excited about the possibilities for Visual Fringe and adding music to next years Festival.

I am sad to see summer go. All in all it was a good one this time around. I met some great folks this summer. I am unsure of what Fall will hold….so, here’s to all good things.

in case you did not know...

Philadelphia, colloquially referred to as Philly, and known as The City of Brotherly Love (from Greek: Φιλαδέλφεια, /fi.la.ˈdɛl.fɛj.a/, "brotherly love" from philos "loving" and adelphos "brother") is the fifth most populous city in the United States and the largest in population and area in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

The population of the city (at the 2000 census) is 1,517,550. According to the 2005 U.S. Census estimates, the city had a population of 1,463,281. [1] Philadelphia is the second-largest city on the U.S. East Coast (after New York City), and a major commercial, education, and cultural center for the nation.

The Philadelphia metropolitan area is the fourth largest in the U.S. by the current official definition, with some 5.823 million people.

Philadelphia is one of the oldest and most historically significant cities in the United States. During part of the 18th century, the city was the second capital and most populous city of the United States, and the second largest English speaking city in the world after London. At that time, it eclipsed Boston and New York City in political and social importance, with Benjamin Franklin playing an extraordinary role in Philadelphia's rise.

the word FRESH

i love the word fresh - but i am trying to find another word for it. ( the reason is next years festival....)

I have come up with:
unmarked
new
spanking new
cherry picked
unprocessed
vivid

none of these hold the weight of the word FRESH.

Thoughts?

toast

sean's (my housemate) mom just moved into a new house so we are getting all these things that she no longer wants. We got a toaster today. Now, I (for some reason I can no longer recall) gave my toaster to Flashpoint when I worked there. Now, it gets a lot of use there so that is good. But I have just had a toaster oven for two years now - I forgot how great a piece of toast is out of a toaster. I just made my self two pieces of whole wheat toast with butter and a generous helping of raspberry jam.

yum - yay for toasters!

getting close to the last days of the snake skin shoes

cafe hon. famous hairdos and the Bawlmerese perchance for vowel-dropping, word-shortening vernacular.

and fuck that i had to find out in 2002, Bmore Mayor Martin O'Malley initiated the "BELIEVE" project, a multimillion-dollar campaign aimed at engaging the public in the fight against drugs and possibly changing residents' perceptions of themselves through somber white-on-black bumper stickers, buttons and street banners.

Here it lived in my head as local charm - not organized advertising...going to keep the charm.

nicotine

you have been a muse of sorts since I was 19. Not to mention thinking the smell of you was enticing back when I thought my dolls might be alive.

I hate you
I love you sometimes
I want you far away
I want to forget you
I don't want this song in my ear right now...stop please.
you cannot really be a part of me. Would-be absurd.
Can I forget you?

Okay, I want you sometimes. Like a long distance lover that I can keep at arms reach.

I need to get a handle on this situation...and sense of balance right...my health...my health.